I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
