i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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