hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
