Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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