My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
