dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
