would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
