dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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