We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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