i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
