Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
