he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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