we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
