I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
