this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
