it's like iHOP with fire
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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