is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
