Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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