last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
