remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
