Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
