have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When are your genitals available?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
