I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
