Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
