I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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