Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
