Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize