OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
