Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
