Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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