How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize