White coat. Heels.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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