well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
