Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
