i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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