So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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