Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
