Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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