I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
