ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
