Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
