to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
