True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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