he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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