I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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