Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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