I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
