Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
