he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
