eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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