The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize