Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
