we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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