So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
