guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Pooping to opera.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
