your thong is hanging out like whoa
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
