I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
