I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
