you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
