i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
