I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
