So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
