She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
