She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
