they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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