haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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