I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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