it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
