I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
