I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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