Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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