So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
