you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
