your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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