I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
