onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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