I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
