i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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