my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
