I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
