Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
