happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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