please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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