There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
