this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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