Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
