so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
