For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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