Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
