should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
