All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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